miércoles, 7 de octubre de 2015

RESPIRAR UN SUBLICIO




Respirar es un tormento constante, los pulmones estallan, la tos no cesa tratando de expulsar cuerpos extraños introducidos con cada bocanada de aire pestilente. 
La falta de oxigeno es angustiosa, el corazón se acelera al máximo y temo que en cualquier momento sufrir un infarto. 
Mi compañero es mucho mas fuerte y acusa menos la extenuación que siento en mis músculos, no siento los pies, mis piernas rígidas como palos dudo que me sigan manteniendo por mucho tiempo.
Hemos salido del túnel hace unas horas y parece que lleváramos el día entero caminando. 

El caos es si cabe mayor que ayer. 
Ni se preocupan ya de apilar los cadáveres que proliferan por doquier. 

Niños, mujeres y ancianos están diseminados por cualquier lugar, iban pertrechados con unas pocas pertenencias como si quisieran huir de sus casas.

Habrán salido de madrugada y no han podido andar más de un kilómetro o dos, derrumbándose exhaustos, tosiendo, vomitando, sangrando por narices y boca hasta que un ataque fulminante de corazón o un derrame cerebral acaba con sus vidas y su sufrimiento.

Acabaré igual que ellos, pienso, no puedo continuar más. 
El aire es irrespirable y venenoso en grado sumo. Cuando joven fui un experto nadador que aguantaba horas en el agua haciendo largos de piscina o de playa una y otra vez. 
Nunca he fumado, tampoco he padecido severos catarros, y quizás este sea el motivo de no haber sucumbido ya.

En cualquier momento estaré en el suelo, pienso, cuando de hecho he caído ya y no me he enterado.

Me ponen una boquilla en la boca y respiro, respiro, es una delicia el aire que llena mis pulmones. Estoy así un segundo aunque no creo tal cosa. Habrá sido un buen rato, me sacuden y abro los ojos. 
En marcha, vamos, tenemos que seguir me dice una voz.

Me incorporo con ayuda y comienzo a caminar de nuevo. A mi lado sigue mi compañero que rápidamente está guardando algo en su macuto. 
Es una mascarilla de oxígeno que me ha dado la vida.

Conviene que nadie la vea, menos aún los soldados, por lo que vamos caminando con sumo cuidado, escondiéndonos en el momento que escuchamos pisadas de grupo.

El silencio es opresivo. En una ciudad como Madrid el hecho de no escuchar nada, solo algún grito o de vez en cuando algún disparo, es aterrador.

Siempre deseé un poco de silencio, pero no esta calma, me eriza los cabellos presenciar que nada se mueve, nada se oye, se habla con voz queda, nuestras pisadas también son silenciosas debido a la capa de polvo, sangre y suciedad que cubre el asfalto o las aceras.

Se escucha el ruido de pesadas botas sobre el asfalto, de inmediato nos escondemos tras varios árboles caídos y observamos atentamente hacia el lugar del que proviene el ruido.

Se oyen juramentos y voces que acompañan a las pisadas.
Un grupo de soldados astrosos con los uniformes sucios y raídos aparece al frente doblando una calle. 

Hablan, tosen, escupen quitándose las mascaras para hacerlo, portan pesados cuchillos en sus manos manchados todos ellos de sangre.
Han dado buena cuenta de los desprevenidos que se han aventurado en las calles tras el toque de queda.

El que parece ser el oficial habla por un teléfono móvil. 

No puede ser, pienso, no funcionan los móviles, pero este es distinto y funciona. 
Es indudable pues se dirige a algún superior recabando ordenes e informado de los incidentes nocturnos.

Cuando acaba suelta una blasfemia, manda formar a la tropa de unos quince y esbozando un grotesco paso marcial enfilan por otra calle a la derecha de donde nos encontramos. 
Se alejan, vuelvo a tragar el asqueroso aire con alivio, seguimos nuestra penosa marcha.

Mi compañero me anima, me sujeta, no desea verme morir pues tendría que seguir su marcha hacia el norte solo, y no desea hacer tal cosa.

Conocidos de una sola noche y amigos ya para siempre unidos por la adversidad y el sufrimiento.

Andamos, tropezamos, sorteamos cuerpos y arboles putrefactos, seguimos caminando sin parar.

¿Cuanto tiempo?

Miles de horas, cientos, no,  solo cinco o seis y nos falta mucho camino aún para llegar a casa.

A TRAVEL THROUGH THE WORDS






After a year of writing here I like to see what have been the changes in this blog, also I like to see what I said a year ago that it was my first experience about writing a blog.
More or less what I wrote a year ago was a lot of nonsense words or ideas, but as always when a person read some notes that were written on the past there is something to learn from them.



I said that it seems I was writing for no body just because there was not any reply or not any signs that any people could read it.
Having in mind I was writing for me only I talk something about my own life, just a diary as I
have done several times before.

Also writing I said our life in a sunday was the same as a monday or other day of the week. Why?
It is easy, I don´t work out from home, so days of the month or the week are the same for me and for my wife. Frecuently I don´t know which day we are living.


Our life is simple, living in a big city like Madrid with so many sites to visit we usually don´t go out to any place, I would like but it is not possible.


My wife Cuca is sick, with a bad sickness "multiple esclerosis" and she likes to be indoors doing her life, Reading, listening to the radio, or the news and even, typing in the keyboard of her pc., so a sunday is a similar day to other day of the week.

The rutine of sundays is that a person comes home to do house chores, help me with the hard work  of a house. This person is like a friend of us now. For years she has been coming on sundays because the rest of week days are working doing other things.

These was before, it was was wrote last year, now just today everything has changed as I could say in other ocasión.
Every day is coming Isabel, the peruvian friend to help me with the chores of the house, little by little things change and this year 2013 it is different from the last of 2012.

-------------

 Being a marry man, working all my life out home, I was very bad acustomed to do nearaly nothing at home.
It was my wife, Cuca, who take care of the children and the house.
Suddenly she was ill, it seems her illness was going to pass soon, but it wasn´t so and at the end
her husband, me,  needs to start a new life as a house keeping.

Yes, this was a new life for me, taking care of my dear wife, looking for the supplies, cooking, going to shop, doing everything a girl or a woman it is supposed to do at home.
Why not men? ....A good question.
So last year and today, of course,  I understand very well what a good woman do at home, it is a difficult work that is not appreciate for us, men, who are absolutely selfish, proud of our Works out home.

Till the moment a person start to do something different, he or she is not aware of the difficult task a house could be, and yes for me it is.

Here at home I have known something about house chores, but outside this my little world I do not know what is happening in the outdoors world.
Yes, the world of outside home, the Spain´s world, The Europa´s world, and so forth....what is happening over there?

So easy to know that I am fed up about the bad news of every day.....

-----------------

Everything if falling down since five or six years ago, and people are not aware that their world is over.

There is not work, not hopes, not any future for the momento, and thousand and thousands of young well prepared tha have to leave their countries looking for a work.
People with fourty or fifty years old that have not money, not work, not home, and so forth.......
so, I said that "Just hte same as every day" no good news at all, not justice, not hopes for our
young and so forth.

Every week now people are in the streets making noise, shouting, against nearly everything
even also they want to change the goverment, the democracy, our system of life, and so
forth.
People are desperate and it is easy to manage persons who has nothing to lost.

Another kind of problems appears from this chaos, yes that is so because some of us are thinking about Spain.
 Spain? does exist this country?...or it is something I was teached and now that idea is not valid?.

Why?. Because every one out  the centre of Iberia wants to be out of the Nation.
Spain? Not, it is better to be Cataluña, Comunidad Vasca, Canarias and so on........
Some months ago I could listened to news that said something about an agreement of Maroc with U.E. about fishing round its coast was finished, and that would be affected to....the fishmen/women of Spain, Andalucia and Canarias.....and I thought......Andalucia is not Spain?
Canarias is not Spain?

What kind of news are these?. I have headache already of listening news like this every day.

Well, I would like that news, subjects, and so forth should be a Little more clear as people
at the end don´t understand anything.

That´s all friends.
This was an example of the subjects I use to write a year ago.

Even now I could write more about the same ítems, but I am fed up. I prefer to look to my
nice cat Gatufo and forget what is happening round me, in my country, in Europe or in
the World,, in fact I could do nothing about it.

It is possible that after a year I have learn anything to talk about?. May be, I like to write that is sure.
Thanks a lot if you have enough patience to read me in this blog even once and have enough patience to read till the end of some of the subjects.



el gatufo.               

MAS QUE VIAJAR SENTIR

 






Lost
Perdido ando hoy sin tu alegría.
Que me anima a seguir este camino.
Emprendido a tu lado ya en la lejanía.
No recuerdo otro despertar sin tu regazo.






Pain  WHAT FOR
 
Un dolor anticipado nos hace ignorar la fragilidad de nuestro entorno.
Incierta pesadumbre de esa pena ilusos ignoramos si vivos enfrentaremos el mañana.
Dolor futuro tangible eres ya sin ser real, ciegos a la realidad de hoy.
Sufrimos ya ese momento que solo con la mente anticipamos.

Ansiedad, aléjate de mi, no eres certeza estate callada.
Solo eres producto de una mente que sufre ya anticipada.





Falling in Love
Sin querer, sin sentirlo casi sin darme cuenta estaba enamorado.
Delgada, bonita, criatura loca viviamos ya en los sesenta.
Ilusos años de una generación que lo confundió todo.
Amor, milagro cotidiano fue que con su ardiente brillo me sustenta.
Tras treinta o mas años sin darme cuenta casi sin sentirlos, hoy sigo enamorado.

(my girl and love)







Depresion

 
No soy el mismo que ayer me sentí.
Cambiado estoy sin saber por que.
Sera el hoy lo que me deja vacío.
Ideas vienen y van sin dejar huella.
Pensamientos incesantes taladran la cabeza.
No hay sosiego ni descanso solo ya.
Vuelve en ti me digo, y así un día mas.
Persigo quimeras que se esfuman.
No hay sentido ni esperanza, solo espera.
Un día, y otro mas aguantando ¿que?.
La muerte sin duda, descanso aparente y facil.
Dormir, no pensar, no sufrir, no esperar.
Dormir al fin, ¿descansar quizás?.


                                                                                               





 
 
In the bed

Pienso cuando a mi lado duermes....
Tu cara pecosa, tu sonrisa que ansío.
El amor en tus ojos, la luz de esa mirada.
El tono en tu voz, si estás triste o alegre.
Cosas que adivino al verte cuando dormida.
A mi lado sigues y el nuevo día amanece.






The Waiting

Alejados de nuestro mundo de ayer
tranquilos vemos pasar los días
juntando tiempo suficiente para pasar
los años.
Apagada la tarde se acorta el plazo
futuro incierto que esperamos sin prisa
pues aunque prisioneros somos
sin angustia estamos
Felices de seguir recorriendo
el camino sin retorno que finaliza
antes o depues, quien lo sabe
la larga o feliz espera siempre cierta.



el gatufo     

HOLY WEEK






RUN AWAY FROM OUR OWN LIFE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.



It seems to me that on "holy week" (easter) we run away of ourselves, and the best form of doing that is going to other place far away from home.

Is it possible that we are so unhappy with our daily life as to do that year after year?.
If it is not so why this escape into highways or to catch the first plane to  takes us nobody knows where?.
To me it seems that the objective is to get out of our daily lives that seems us so bored.

It is not my case, it is just what I see around me and  just I can´t understand such general flight, as fast as posible if we have a bit of money to do that.

It doesn´t matter that the roads are full of cars, hours inside a metalic box with the children shouting and moving fed up with the trip.
It doesn´t matter the place, if there is not any we can invent one that seems attractive to go far from home or from our own life.
It doesn´t matter to have money enough to do such a trip, if there is not money we ask for a credit to escape or at least it was what millions did some years before this crisis.

Each one travel in relation with their position, may be a trip to the little village of our parents. or to the beach despite too much rain,or to much cold it could be there, we don´t care about the weather.
Even more, it doesn´t matter to be hours in a plain to go as far as possible to see a place that means nothing in our life, or to be on a beach far away of our place of living.
From mountains to the beach, from beaches to the mountains, from little cities to big cities, and of course from the big cities to the little one, it is just the same.
All consist in escape from the daily routine that seems to crush our way of living day after day.


Let me say there are more than tweenty years I don´t go any place on easter time, to me is a time to rest and enjoy my not crowded city, Remaining here it is like Paradise, not cars, not so much people to go shopping, to see a museum and so on.
Home it is the best place to be, at least for me, so I have been happy for years having some days to be indoors. Reading, listening to music, going for a walk to the park, walking along the streets more empty, just a pleasure.

For christians it could be also a good time of meditation, alone, or going some church not so crowded, but all depends of every one. I don't need to go to a particular place to meditate, home is good, or a bench in the park ir enough or just a walk.

The mistery to me is always the same, why so many people need to go out from their lives?. Mobbing the roads for hours to go and again once the days pass away mobbing roads to return into the daily routine?. Every year the same, is it we don´t think or we don´t like to stop the wheel of our life?.

Yes, something to think about, if we have time to stop and to think a subject I doubt, sorry but seeing what I see I doubt there is enough time to think if we are going and coming as son as we have some days free.


This year the crisis has been a retreat to hundred thousands who could be have more time to rethink about their lives, what evidently it could be a drama if they have enough time to feel their sorrows, the lack of work, what we are going to do in future?, where is the house close to the beach that we had last year to go on "holly weeks"?. What has happened with our world of yesterday?......
Such a lot of questions to thousands that this year are not on the road.



When I was a child this time of "holy week"  (easter) there were days to meditate, to pray, to think about Christ Jesús, about  Christ's sufferings on the cross that gave His life for us.
Of course, not every body did that, the same now that there are also some people who do just this kind of Christian meditation or prays, but are the less one.
Even the processions are a tourist party, a way of getting lot of money from foreigners or visitors, but not a time to pray or just a time to stop and think about our own life.


I am not a good believer, I could say I am a bad believer more an agnostic than other thing, but I like to meditate about life, God, other different life than this, and so on.
May be that´s the reason I am so astonished about what "holy week" is it for lot of Christians, just a reason to be off from their own life or beliefs if they believe in something.








I wish you a peaceful time of rest and meditation.



el gatufo